the new year is just around the corner.
2009 was the shittiest year of my life.
and no, i am not exaggerating.
mostly because of one thing.
love.
most of you know, some of you might want to know.
i fell in love with the wrong person.
blah, blah, blah.
i learned my lesson and i have moved on.
but, this year is behind me and the new, fresh, and exciting year of 2010 is coming up.

last months of high school.
graduation.
summer.
moving out.
full sail.
fuck.
yeah.
baby.

i cannot wait to get out of this fucking town.
i cannot wait to get away from you.
our memories.
and our spots.

i have officially declared 2009 done and over with.
its sad that i wasted almost a whole year on a girl.
never. again.


c'monnn 2010!
:D

during the time i'm waiting to come home to you, a whole species of butterfly will become extinct, or a large complex mammal with feelings like mine.

Evreyone is talking about miles apart from those they love at the holidays, or they talk about missing someone after a day. Honestly you don't know what missing someone is until they are 5,000 miles away have been since September 11th and wont be back until March 30th. I've been staring at a web cam for months, just be grateful for what you have and when you have it. That's what the holidays are all about, loving what you have. He told me earlier that if Christmas is supposed to be about those who you love then he should have taken a flight here instead of going home, but knowing March would be better he didn't. It's horrible not having him here, having a constant five hour time difference, I can't even pick up my phone and call him. It honestly tears me apart everyday, so what I am trying to say is, don't complain about everything, just be happy about the time you have.

i can't wait for january, and it seems like december just started but there's only a week left. come to think, it seems like 2009 just started. it was supposed to be my year. it was in some ways. being 19 wasn't even important. honestly i'm glad to have sacrificed this year for the promise of 2010. graduating and so forth. and no matter what 2009 was and wasn't, or what else i do or don't write about it, there is the most important lesson from this year: some people aren't worth it, they do nothing but cause upset and disaster. so you say enough is enough about them, you let go, you walk away, you throw up your hands, you forfeit the game and call it quits. because when it's worth it, it'll be so much better. i finally found the real thing! thanks 2009. i know how to walk- or waltz- away. sometimes it takes a little longer. sometimes i stick around. but i'm getting there.

i need a miracle

i miss you, i fucking miss you so bad. i wish you came home last night, i don't even care that the time was ridiculous.
and to make things worse, i'm going to new york now. the miles are spread out even more across the country.
i'll see you in one week, baby. i've never hated being away from someone this much.


later, suckers.

I may be able to just transfer to Polo in London, Automatic Job? How great would that be. :] I love how possible this really is.

it hasn't nearly been 24 hours and i can't stand this distance.
how do you expect me to last for nine more days?
i miss you so much.
i don't feel like moving.
i want to cry some more, really.
i'm so tempted to come back after work tonight, even if it is only for a few hours.
i hated sleeping alone last night; it was the first time in 38 days, and i hated it.
i love talking to you on skype but i hate it all the same
because you're there and i'm here, and i just see you making kissy faces and looking so miserable.
i'm trying to think of the bright side in this situation -
9 days and i'll be at your momma's house,
i'll be there before you get back from the airport.
we'll be together for new years.
we'll go to ikea and eat a bunch of food for cheap, and we'll get our couch.
we'll get our coffee table from your grandparents.
we'll continue this lovefest.
now though,
i can't think properly.
this whole entry will be a mess if i continue.

bye.



the silence isn't so bad, until i look at my hands and feel sad, cause the spaces between my fingers are where yours fit perfectly.

 You're all jerks.
tomorrow = georgia.
I'm going to talk with a german accent the whole time. :D

Last week sucked, alot.
It was probably one of the worst weeks of my life.
Secret Santa was the only good thing about it, really.

My dog has some kind of skin problem, it's worrying me.

This weekend, I went to a party at Jen's, and it was so much fun,
Except for this drunk mexican New Yorker guy her friend invited, we kicked him out after he tried taking pictures of us, it was extremely creepy.
But we managed to drink half a bottle of McCormick vodka, hahahaha.
We also walked to 7/11 in shorts and knee high socks, then a cop came, thinking we were prostitutes, lawl, no.
Luckily her brother was with us, wearing knee highs too cause he's weird, so yeah, lol.

Just a really good weekend. I'm satisfied.

My rib cage has never felt so crushed, nor has my heart crumbled to easily.
I need March 30th. :/

Have I really ruined Christmas?

"You can go when you are 18, I wont sign your passport"

"Fine, I'll go when I'm 18, and you will have just torn us apart, instead of working together."

Yeah that's right I said it.

 I remember my mom wanted me to get something for her, out of her dresser. I must've been in 3rd grade or so, I don't really know. I ran to her dresser, I opened the wrong drawer. What I found shocked me, little white teeth wrapped in tissue paper. My teeth. Why were my baby teeth in my mom and dad's dresser? The next day I told all my friends that the tooth fairy was a joke, it was all fake. They stared at me, they already knew, they'd figured it out all on their own. But I had to see it to believe it. They used logic, even at a young age. Of course the tooth fairy isn't real, why would a little flying fairy trade worthless teeth for money? I felt like an idiot for believing something so stupid.

Even now I believe in stupid things, like love, honesty. & even now, to believe the truth, I have to see it.
Mom, dad, I'm mad at you right now. I wish I could figure these little things out on my own.




Tonight was incredibly interesting.

I have told her, go me!
She just needs to accept the fact that this is what I want to do, and then she will fully understand.
She left for Ohio at the same age, the only difference is that I would actually be attending college and be in a different country.
Work today, why do I feel as if I should be doing something?

All I have eaten today are reeses, the breakfast of champions. Thanks Dominique, ;]

gahh i have the biggest crush on you but im too afraid to say anything :(



last night was fuuuunn<3
except for the whole seeing jesse thing, that sucked.

I HATE SLEEPING IN AND BEING LATE.

look at you breaking my "i hate girls" wall.
you fit perfectly in the missing piece in my heart.
you fill up the hole in my chest.
i want you in every single one of my days.

now, im not going to go on and say that this is "real".
because i dont know yet, its to soon to tell.
but i am going to say that,
i forgot how fucking good it feels to lay down, hold, and kiss someone.

lets see how this goes.
=]

I'M SO BUSY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
And here I am procrastinating..gonna go accomplish life.